Overcoming sexual performance anxiety men

The Most Important Tool to Overcome Sexual Performance Anxiety

performance anxietyI get a lot of emails asking about how I overcame sexual performance anxiety. And recently I’ve found a few things that have helped guys that I’ve been coaching and working with, so I want to share it.

First off, let’s figure out if it’s actually performance anxiety that we’re dealing with.

How do I know if I have performance anxiety?

A lot of guys out there think that they are dealing with porn-induced ED, when in fact they are dealing with sexual performance anxiety.

Here is a test that you can do to find out:

1. Do you have trouble getting an erection when you’re alone with a woman, but you can get an erection by touching yourself (without porn) in the comfort of your home?

2. Do you sometimes lose your erection when you’re with a woman – especially when it’s your first or second time with her?

3. Do you find yourself worried about whether you’ll be able to get an erection when the time comes?

4. Do you avoid sexual encounters because you worry that you might not be able to perform?

If you answered ‘yes’ to some or all of these questions, then you likely are suffering from sexual performance anxiety.

(Note: With porn-induced ED, the erections you get by yourself without porn just aren’t as strong as the erections with porn. Or in extreme cases, you can’t get an erection at all without porn.)

mentalimpotencehealerNow let me ask you this:

Do you wish you could have great sex every time, and not have to worry?

Do you wish that you could freely have one-night stands without having to worry about whether your penis would work or not?

Do you wish that you weren’t dealing with this?

I’ll tell you. I feel for you, because I’ve been there. But I’ll also say that it is 100% possible to overcome this. I did it, and you can too.

A few years ago, when I was going through performance anxiety myself, I found it so, incredibly frustrating. I just couldn’t understand why my body wasn’t working. And after I lost my erection a few times, I just expected it to happen. Even though I was in the best shape of my life and had lots of girls who wanted to sleep with me (I was going out a lot and working on improving my conversation skills with women), I kept on avoiding sex. After a few more failed experiences, I even started avoiding the girls I had already slept with. I just felt so embarrassed. And the girls felt bad too.

And when I did go ahead and try to have sex anyway, my penis just didn’t work. The girls would always ask, “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” I would make up excuses and say things like “I’m just not feeling well tonight. I think I’m getting a cold or something.” Or I would say that I hurt my back working out at the gym or I was really stressed out from work. Excuse after excuse. Bullshit.

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Gay Men on Antidepressants with sexual anxieties

by hankhi

Any other gay men out there in the same boat? I am a GWM 41 who came out at the same time as HIV/AIDS appeared. Unlike most of my peers I was terrified and although openly gay.....stayed on the sidelines as far as sex went. I let my behavior become a phobia and along with alot of other anxieties I experience and some depression thrown in for good measure found myself at a complete nervous breakdown at 28. I have been on ssri antidepressants since and have made enormous strides (espicially using Ration Emotive Behavior Therapy...mostly on my own) I take a half of a Celexa daily. It probably isn't even working anymore but the placebo effect is amazing

Why do men take it so personally?

by unselfemployed

Sometimes we're tired
Sometimes we're distracted
Sometimes we're dealing with PMS/hormones
Sometimes the foreplay wasn't long enough
It's not the ride'em pony outside the supermarket, where you put in your quarter (or your dick) and the pony jumps up and down for a few minutes.
Sometimes we just enjoy the closeness
Sometimes we just enjoy making you happy
But do NOT add "performance anxiety" to the sexual menu: "Not only do I want sex daily, it has to be GREAT sex, that leaves you sweaty and screaming

What I've been told by some men

by KeepItMovin

Who are in their 40's is that they no longer have the stamina and sexual appetite that they once had as younger men. Also, stress, decreasing testosterone levels, high expectations to perform, etc, can really have a huge impact on a man's libido and sexual performance.
Does he have a high-stress job? Does he have any health problems? Is he taking any medications? These are all areas of his life that you need to consider for they all can impact his sexual performance.
During sex, have you told him what you want? Have you ever showed him how to touch you, etc. etc.? If you have, and he seems to pull back or not seem interested, it may be time to address any sexual issues with him

Mechanical and vanilla with no foreplay

by pooxxx

What happens when you express your need for cuddling, fondling, ego-boosting?
Are there things he's tried in bed (maybe when you were first together) that you reacted strongly to in a negative way? That discourages experimental behavior and kills passion. Is he intimidated by your vigor and is he afraid that you'll want more than he can give? Does that give him performance anxiety of sorts?
Rather than assuming the problem is with him (low sex drive, attracted to men, etc) take a look at your relationship and how things have really been over the time you've been together

Men are visualists

by bizzy_beez

So it's not uncommon for you to have to get a mental picture of soemthing that turns you on to orgasm. It sounds like you might be having some mild anxiety when you're with a person physically. You might be stressed about your performance or focusing too much on the grand finale. Once you get with a partner that you are comfortable with physically and emotionally, your anxiety should subside. good luck.

You might also like:
Mind of the Athlete - Overcoming Performance Anxiety
Mind of the Athlete - Overcoming Performance Anxiety
Overcoming Performance Anxiety
Overcoming Performance Anxiety

5 Simple Changes to Eliminate Back Pain  — Huffington Post
Despite its somewhat cute name, text neck is a trigger for neck and upper back pain. Holding your phone at elbow-height requires you to lean over, putting massive amounts of pressure on your neck.

Mom Gives Birth During Open Heart Surgery  — The Stir
After all, some upper back pain when you aren't pregnant isn't necessarily going to make you call an ambulance. When you ARE pregnant? Well, you take extra precautions .. precautions that may just save your life as well as your baby's.

Stop Anxiety: Overcoming Performance Anxiety Tips Part 1
Stop Anxiety: Overcoming Performance Anxiety Tips Part 1
Stop Anxiety: Overcoming Performance Anxiety Tips Part 2
Stop Anxiety: Overcoming Performance Anxiety Tips Part 2
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